I saw his package. It spoke to me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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