listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
