You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
