i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
