drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so much tequila, so little girl.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
