you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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