You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
