I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
