At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
