her vagine was all disorganized.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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