I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
