I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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