Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
