She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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