i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
