I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
