I accidentally had phone sex last night
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
