When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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