Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
