you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
