She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
