Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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