we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
