The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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