Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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