someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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