Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
