Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
