Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
