Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
