I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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