I don't think brook has ever known best
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
