this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
