she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
