did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
