i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
