just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This toilet bowl is my home.
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