I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just crazy horny about you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
