you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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