Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
