What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need help removing her.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
