I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
