sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
