My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
