just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do herpes really smell.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
