I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize