everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
