so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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