Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
