just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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