every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize