The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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