I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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