Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
