stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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