So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
