Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
