Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
