I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
