Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
