i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
