the condom got lost in my hair
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
