i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
