Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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