I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
