god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
