she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
