my being single is dangerous.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
