someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You are the jesus of drinking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
