Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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