i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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