Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
