Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
