Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
well you can't waste a boner
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize