I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
