So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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