you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
