Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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