yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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