you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
