i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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