Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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