"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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