im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
