I can tuck mytits in my pants
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
