if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
