He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
