doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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